Archive for November, 2011

The reading of our notes to each other is uplifting; the energy behind them. His passion. His deep desire for God connectivity. His desire to love endlessly. To give unconditionally. To understand fully. To see as God sees. To see humanity rise above & release the ego pain as driver, to eradicate ego generated everything. We are mirrors for each other. 100%. We seem to have the same quest in this lifetime and he feels it most like I do. He feels it in his body as I do. He’s been enraged, as I have been. I had no idea that was true when I reached out to him. I didn’t know he would be so alive with hope, desire, pain, searching. Any rage expressed masks the desire, the hope, the deep deep care; others do not understand that is the true driver. We judge that which we do not understand and fear. We judge rather than question. We judge and do not develop the strength of providing compassion. We ignore the feminine attributes and label them weak only to avoid any feeling within ourselves that we do not understand. Any feeling that might awaken the powerful experience of love, we smash as we’ve been taught. We, at our core, want to be liberated and yet, we haven’t developed the strength to sit and feel. The feeling is the pathway to freedom. Through it we will experience the power of the energies that hum continually through us. We avoid transforming, transmuting it into the superpowers we assign super hero’s to carry because we’re afraid of that much freedom, afraid to feel that good. Were afraid of that much actual power. We don’t trust ourselves and that is savvy, it’s why the baby steps are necessary. We have been in error. We have performed from the ego’s needs and caused great devastation and yet, it is this understanding not the judging of such truths that will elevate us past previous patterning.

What’s so wonderful about sensuality and romance is it puts me so very much in my body, to be swept inward; fully feel without embarrassment. It’s still necessary to beat down the thinking mind but oh the blessings become immediately obvious once the dominant (and often critical) voice is quieted. How delicious it feels to be a woman in those moments. The contentment of being squeezed tenderly, to have even an elbow cupped while kissing, noticing the dancing of the wee baby hairs all over my body tingling with pleasure. The sweeping of his hand gently gliding across my belly can bring a murmur of delight. My heart racing with anticipation, wondering where his fingertips will touch next and when he does place them, heat rises, breath quickens and collapse occurs. All defensive stances disintegrate. Peace for a moment. Desire to merge, feel, be felt, give over all fears, all doubts, and future thoughts. Connection. Presence. In his slow precise movements, I feel his admiration, his appreciation. He has come to me with his heart, wants to show me his love but not just his love, but also the love that is. Alive I feel. Grateful. The most exquisite explosion of warmth vibrates throughout my entire body, taking breath from body, stillness palpable. A woman. I am a woman and I get to feel the awakening of my feminine power as the receiving entity of life and it’s creative forces. I get to play. I get to feel the joy of my physical body receiving touch. Such a simple desire but one so often missed and unexplored. Thankful I have had this moment of remembering the beauty of being in body, a woman’s body.