Archive for the 'Spirituality' Category

I think it was Eckhart Tolle who said, “not everyone is going to like you, not everyone liked Jesus”. Can you imagine that? Jesus was about love and equality and yet, we have people who didn’t care for his message. Why might that be? My guess is people weren’t open to the emotional logic and maturity of Jesus’ teachings. It didn’t feel safe to consider the concept of equality. It threatens the ego (mind) and since we have settled into fear as our most primary of emotions, the concept of domination (over others and nature) has taken a strong hold over humanities psyche and safety always seems to be at the crux of this tactic.
As far as safety is concerned, we’ve been taught to believe it’s mostly a financial game. If I am more important than you (cuz I have money), then I have a reason to get my way over yours. Of course that does play out by believing in a superiority over others mentality. Hence why the money stays within the 1% in this country. All of this of course then aptly justifies (in the minds of these precious few) why I have food when you don’t, have a big house, more money, material ease, personal comforts, get my way…..the list is endless).
What I’ve learned is money has little to do with our emotional success (a feeling of safety and connection to others) and that a sense of peace and wholeness does not come from a high income (isn’t Trump the epitome of proof?). Based on my experience, I feel safest when I have stability and with that a feeling of safety arises. When I feel stable, I feel safe, I can trust more and isn’t that what’s continually being threatened? Personal trust and safety is a COMMODITY and it’s one we’ve naively handed over to our persecutors (Corporations , the 1% not our neighbors) and then blindly believe it’s those whom we’ve given our power to who will save us when in fact they’re using or fears or inability to trust as the very weapons they wield against us (trump, media)?
It’s not about how much we have but rather- Can I depend on what I have to continue? Since that would imply an ability to control all aspects of life, including those I love, my boss, my clients, my friends and traffic (as a few examples) I could be screwed… SO the only way to truly create safety for myself is from within. It’s a courageous act, as it implies trust must already exist (on some level) and self-acceptance must be diligently applied, so we can learn how to accept and trust others. This is the how I keep moving forward-knowing I have the right to ind my mind otherwise I will only see the fear based teachings and I want more of my own power back I want to CHOOSE what I see.

Don’t doubt your power as an individual. Do you know what would happen if each person decided to take one day off (and all on the same day) of not using their credit cards? Do you know what would happen if each person decided just for one day (and all on the same day) to not buy gas? You and I could affect change if we were willing to see ourselves as powerful, as someone who could make a difference and then used our light and creativity to affect change. It doesn’t need to be violent, it is weakness that creates violence. It takes strength, courage and applied thought to make effective life enhancing growth.

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Righteous anger. This is a phrase I have come across while reading a prolific contributor to our society, Rudolf Steiner. His contributions to mankind (in medicine, farming, education, spiritual development, to name a few) are continuing to blossom nearly a century after his death.

He wrote, “For the spiritual scientist, anger is also the harbinger of something quite different. Life shows us that a person who is unable to flare up with anger at injustice or folly will never develop true kindness and love. Equally, a person who educates himself through noble anger will have a heart abounding in love, and through love he will do good. Love and kindness are the obverse of noble anger. Anger that is overcome and purified will be transformed into the love that is its counterpart. A loving hand is seldom one that has never been clenched in response to injustice or folly. Anger and love are complementary”
Hear, hear, I feel vindicated. I have been given permission to accept myself and beyond that presented an understanding that feels in alignment to my truth. I have so often felt shame for my reactions to situations-either through a very uncomfortable silence which is then followed by the “moving right along” shift in conversation or through a direct hit, “wow you have anger issues”. Our culture has made it as challenging for a woman who expresses anger, as it has for a man who expresses fear. The judgments thrown our way are so prolific that many of us have learned to cut out the middleman and just slam ourselves (usually quite mercilessly) and through the use of culturally taught condemnation have cornered our esteem somewhere in a dank basement.
Non-Violent Communication training (NVC), the process created by Marshall Rosenberg, was another place where I learned another level of self-acceptance for what has been called my, “not so lady-like” expression. It was through his gracious approach to viewing individuals, that I understood that anger is akin to a warning light in a car. A successful approach to this “warning signal” would be to consider something’s happening, what’s needed to help the car feel (run) better? We never say the car has issues and simply leave it at that, usually we tend to its warning signal and apply the necessary care needed to help it run smoothly. Yet with people were prone to treat them with much less care.
So often my warning light starts to flash (maybe the first blush of anger starts to rise) when I feel alone and really want understanding. Through the use of NVC I learn how to take care of that need and nip anger in the bud, as in those cases it’s usually not so much a righteous anger as it might be a long winded rant. Nonetheless, it’s a process that lends itself to understanding and not flogging.
Dr. Mario Martinez, the founder of the Biocognitive Science Institute, encourages righteous anger as a pathway for individuals with disease or illness towards health and well-being. I appreciate him taking a stand for anger. Personally I could use the advocate, but I have wondered if what he’s encouraging is simply the expression of the ego and not really righteous anger? Am I moving steadily towards enlightenment or just spewing hell fire? Could I claim noble anger as my companion or was I just having a hissy fit?
I used to say, I’m not angry, I’m passionate, I applied that rationale as a means of protection from men who labeled me “crazy” and as a defense from women who liked to think they were better than me because they weren’t like me-they kept their emotions in line. And in fact this play on words was a strategy I was enacting in attempts to forgive myself for “acting out”, It didn’t work because I unknowingly bought into that masculine taught value (which is purported as the “right” approach to our emotional existence) and was attempting to deny the existence of anger by calling it something much more beautiful, la pasión. That approach is not that far off from Steiner’s conceit but there is a lot digging one has to undergo in order for that transformation from noble anger to loving-kindness to actually come forth. One has to identify what type of anger one is participating in the first place.
Thusly, I have often felt alone and embarrassed for my moments of anger and found myself buying so heavily into the social construction that being emotional was bad that I often found myself apologizing for my very existence (the shadow of the feminine energetic). Through Steiner and Rosenberg’s heartfelt insights (the positive feminine energies) I have learned a balanced approach to my emotions, where denying them isn’t prescribed. I may curtail them to gain insight and self -awareness, but I do not deny them to gain others favor. Fortunately for me as I age, growth has occurred through my diligent pursuit of wanting to being an authentically caring person (healthy, true, honest, empowered/empowering). I have come to a richer understanding of my emotional life and it’s purposefulness.
My saving grace has come through learning the difference between indignation and righteousness, high minded vs. disgruntled anger. There are numerous examples of disgruntled, ego based (fear driven) organizations and persons who believe they are doing the “right” thing while causing harm to others on the behalf of their beliefs. Disgruntled indeed!
One way I have learned to identify this ego motivated anger within me is was if I wanted someone to feeeeel my pain. My fuel is then most likely indignant anger and therefore all actions taken from that stance will only perpetuate pain and suffering rather than create long term solutions that heal.
So if one considers Steiner’s words, “When a person educates himself through noble anger he will abound in love”, then it must follow that the obverse to ego based anger is thoughtfulness and if this is so, the motivation for taking action is derived from an entirely different energetic.
Thoughtfulness doesn’t mean being kind, it means taking the time for introspection and rumination. It means applied focus and concentration. Towards what end is up to you. The clearest formula I have found suitable for distinction is: Separation thinking (ego/indignant anger) vs. solution-oriented healing (noble/high minded righteous anger).
Is the mind creating more problems by harboring us against them thinking or is it searching for answers, which could bring harmonious outcomes? Complaining for the sake of relief or ridicule is the ego’s mechanism for steering you directly away from love, which is the highest mind available. Feeling moved to make a difference though means of supportive and creative processes transforms indignation and personal anger into is the healing expression of love in action. This is why Steiner included in his above statement that, “Anger that is overcome and purified will be transformed into the love that is its counterpart”. It takes willingness on our part to go beyond personal suffering and, like the NVC mascot, the giraffe, see above the situation. By having the fortitude to approach anger for the gift that it is, rather than something to be shunned, we can curtail its negative effects on others as well as ourselves and use it as a serviceable vehicle of transformation.

I was climbing the stairs in Culver City. As one ascends what becomes clear is that their daunting not simply because there are over 400 steps at a steep angle but that they’re also very uneven in height. Some are quite reasonable, akin to an apartment building stairwell. While many demand double effort and lung capacity to mount them (causing short ones like me to have to really reach!).
As I dragged my heaving torso and leaden legs towards the top, I was met by a slender, tall, very fit, African American man-friendly, chipper…. annoying? How can he be so happy when at this moment, when I tempered with exhaustion, I’m barely audible! Mumbling, waving hands, I send the “thumbs up” in his direction, hoping he won’t expect conversation at this point.
Okay. 2nd round. There he is again. This time with a bit more breath available I say to him, “how sweet of you to cheer us on”. He responded positively but then quickly enough decided that my word to describe his support was incorrect. He preferred, “motivator”. “Cheering”, was decidedly too feminine.
I asked what’s wrong with being “feminine”? He immediately understood what I meant. You mean, caring, he asked? YES! I said enthusiastically, with an undercurrent of shock humming within too. He associated feminine to caring. How beautiful to know that a random man on the Culver City steps, is carrying around the consciousness that femininity equates to care! Yet, it’s that very fact he didn’t want to be associated with the word care that caused a brief bubble of disappointment or sadness to pop up. We continued talking a bit longer. I expressed that caring is precisely what he’s doing at the top of those stairs, helping others feel good about their accomplishments. After pause, he did agree. How sweet (another feminine feature I suppose?). He put his masculine ideals aside for a moment and decided that care was a quality he valued. By the end of our conversation I believed he was comfortable to be seen as a man who cared and actually felt safe with that little secret being exposed (at least between us).
You’ll know there’s a huge shift in consciousness the day boys are referred to as “girly” and it’s taken as a compliment! And when later in life they hear: Why mister so and so….you have so many feminine qualities, we’ve been searching for a girly man like you, welcome to our firm! HA….not likely but one can play, dance and skirt around the notion.

The reading of our notes to each other is uplifting; the energy behind them. His passion. His deep desire for God connectivity. His desire to love endlessly. To give unconditionally. To understand fully. To see as God sees. To see humanity rise above & release the ego pain as driver, to eradicate ego generated everything. We are mirrors for each other. 100%. We seem to have the same quest in this lifetime and he feels it most like I do. He feels it in his body as I do. He’s been enraged, as I have been. I had no idea that was true when I reached out to him. I didn’t know he would be so alive with hope, desire, pain, searching. Any rage expressed masks the desire, the hope, the deep deep care; others do not understand that is the true driver. We judge that which we do not understand and fear. We judge rather than question. We judge and do not develop the strength of providing compassion. We ignore the feminine attributes and label them weak only to avoid any feeling within ourselves that we do not understand. Any feeling that might awaken the powerful experience of love, we smash as we’ve been taught. We, at our core, want to be liberated and yet, we haven’t developed the strength to sit and feel. The feeling is the pathway to freedom. Through it we will experience the power of the energies that hum continually through us. We avoid transforming, transmuting it into the superpowers we assign super hero’s to carry because we’re afraid of that much freedom, afraid to feel that good. Were afraid of that much actual power. We don’t trust ourselves and that is savvy, it’s why the baby steps are necessary. We have been in error. We have performed from the ego’s needs and caused great devastation and yet, it is this understanding not the judging of such truths that will elevate us past previous patterning.

What’s so wonderful about sensuality and romance is it puts me so very much in my body, to be swept inward; fully feel without embarrassment. It’s still necessary to beat down the thinking mind but oh the blessings become immediately obvious once the dominant (and often critical) voice is quieted. How delicious it feels to be a woman in those moments. The contentment of being squeezed tenderly, to have even an elbow cupped while kissing, noticing the dancing of the wee baby hairs all over my body tingling with pleasure. The sweeping of his hand gently gliding across my belly can bring a murmur of delight. My heart racing with anticipation, wondering where his fingertips will touch next and when he does place them, heat rises, breath quickens and collapse occurs. All defensive stances disintegrate. Peace for a moment. Desire to merge, feel, be felt, give over all fears, all doubts, and future thoughts. Connection. Presence. In his slow precise movements, I feel his admiration, his appreciation. He has come to me with his heart, wants to show me his love but not just his love, but also the love that is. Alive I feel. Grateful. The most exquisite explosion of warmth vibrates throughout my entire body, taking breath from body, stillness palpable. A woman. I am a woman and I get to feel the awakening of my feminine power as the receiving entity of life and it’s creative forces. I get to play. I get to feel the joy of my physical body receiving touch. Such a simple desire but one so often missed and unexplored. Thankful I have had this moment of remembering the beauty of being in body, a woman’s body.

What does it mean to be “empowered”? It assumes a sense of feeling powerful, yeah? How does a powerful person act in the world?
If you truly believed you had power, what would you do with it? The connotation would be the ability to affect change, correct?

What changes would you implement in this moment if you could in your personal life?

It’s our actions that create our feelings of being powerful but it’s our thoughts that often determine whether or not were going to take powerful actions.

Shall I go to the gym today? You “should” right? Why? You’ll feel better about yourself afterward. Why wouldn’t it just be a given than that you’d go? Because you’re not necessarily comfortable with that kind of power. (Why the mind talks you out of taking care of yourself in new ways) Feeling good in and of itself states a sense of empowerment. When we feel good, we often make decisions and statements that are more uplifting and supportive not only of ourselves but to anyone that comes into our environment. We affect the small immediate world around us positively. We are influencing from that place. Sounds pretty great right? So, again, why don’t we do it?
Many of us don’t believe we have the right to feel just that good about ourselves. We feel much more comfortable and understanding of feelings that equate to stable. Stable as in grounded in reality.

The only way to shift from feeling grounded and comfortable in what you’re already living is to slowly make the changes you desire in your lives. This empowerment process cannot be an overnight commitment to 5 days a week at the gym, juicing daily and seeing everything positively. It can’t maintain itself, have you noticed? It’s expecting too much of oneself. It’s taking a huge leap into the void of the unknown to such a degree that back sliding back into the known is the only viable option for your emotional self.

Desired larger changes will happen on our behalf without us having to “make” them happen. The readiness of our spirit to take a leap is often not determined by our minds and often comes about quite unexpectedly. Spontaneous decisions are just that and cannot be pre-determined. They just come about, but you can encourage such changes through everyday smaller choices that support the feeling of empowerment.

Not getting upset about something that would normally upset you or not letting it upset you for the normal length of time is one such miniscule step that while seemingly unimportant in the big picture is the only way your personal big picture can shift (ever so quietly) into the desired outcome of a fulfilling life. The saying goes: insanity doing the same thing every day expecting different results. The changes one makes to achieve personal self-acceptance can be begun through doing one thing different, it’s been said before, yes. Yet the only way that one thing different leads to more empowering, self- caring and accepting behaviors is by taking notice of these small changes. By saying to yourself, okay, I did that differently, this is a good thing, you’re teaching the emotional body (as it were, that part of self) in baby steps. This is more than taking in a compliment. Yes, that is an important part of realizing your worth, but this ability to take note for self, to acknowledge who you are and the changes you’re making by you, is what’s most valuable. Why? Because other people will always be in flux and just as enslaved to their internal worlds as are you. The changes in their minds and behaviors are based on their personal issues, moods and experiences. Personal empowerment is exactly that, comes from the “personal”, from the self and it cannot then be taken away due to an outside source. If it comes to you, through you and you beckon to honor self, it cannot be released by another’s thoughts or feelings. That is empowerment, which is power; in it’s most powerful sense of fulfillment.

The idea that we are being punished by God by such things as sexually transmitted diseases is completely a man made fantasy for the continual purpose of maintaining a guilt ridden conscious. This must have happened because you’re bad may sound rational but since most of us are born into the training that we are bad already, it would make more sense to say, this happened because you believe you’re bad and need to be punished for the choices you’ve made. You’re bad and will be punished and then this is the proof of that is so flipping brilliant. Because we’ve come to accept our badness without question and therefore the “logic” of such statements goes unchallenged. Yet, for me, that kind of talk (I am bad) has always let me feeling….uhhh… bad. Again, that fact can be used as a sort of validation for my badness, but I now know through discernment, that what my feeling of “badness” is because I have accepted the biggest lie of all, that I am bad. I am unworthy. I am nothing. I am a sinner. The reason for my ache and my further defensive reactivity is not because I am guilty but because I am continuously fighting the core lie. Continuously struggling with trying to get the world to see that the lies which humanity unquestionably accepts are set in place to manipulate and control individuals.

I am working on this God thing and it’s so tricky.  We each could easily become the priest in Carnival. Pushing our will forth believing it is the will of God, especially if we were to have a bit of power like he does (the priest).  One could automatically assume that the “gift” is from God, as I had once I started channeling.  I immediately thought, it was God coming through me and I am sure today that it hasn’t always been divine energy that has spoken through me.  I am embarrassed by my mistakes and yet know there will be many more in reference to the information that I give and the intentions that I carry.  As the only way to be truly clean in this work or anything else one encounters (friendships, love relationships) is to have absolutely no agenda and no desired outcomes whatsoever.  Hard to do, because if we have a goal with the intention of someone else doing well or being happy, those are still agenda’s which may impede on another’s needed journey toward the experience of enlightenment.  To ease another’s suffering may indeed be holding them back, as their comfort only allows contentment, therefore, where is the motivation to move forward? No stench, no frustration, no movement usually. I wrote this in 2006 and find it still true for me.

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