Archive for the 'perception correction' Category
I think it was Eckhart Tolle who said, “not everyone is going to like you, not everyone liked Jesus”. Can you imagine that? Jesus was about love and equality and yet, we have people who didn’t care for his message. Why might that be? My guess is people weren’t open to the emotional logic and maturity of Jesus’ teachings. It didn’t feel safe to consider the concept of equality. It threatens the ego (mind) and since we have settled into fear as our most primary of emotions, the concept of domination (over others and nature) has taken a strong hold over humanities psyche and safety always seems to be at the crux of this tactic.
As far as safety is concerned, we’ve been taught to believe it’s mostly a financial game. If I am more important than you (cuz I have money), then I have a reason to get my way over yours. Of course that does play out by believing in a superiority over others mentality. Hence why the money stays within the 1% in this country. All of this of course then aptly justifies (in the minds of these precious few) why I have food when you don’t, have a big house, more money, material ease, personal comforts, get my way…..the list is endless).
What I’ve learned is money has little to do with our emotional success (a feeling of safety and connection to others) and that a sense of peace and wholeness does not come from a high income (isn’t Trump the epitome of proof?). Based on my experience, I feel safest when I have stability and with that a feeling of safety arises. When I feel stable, I feel safe, I can trust more and isn’t that what’s continually being threatened? Personal trust and safety is a COMMODITY and it’s one we’ve naively handed over to our persecutors (Corporations , the 1% not our neighbors) and then blindly believe it’s those whom we’ve given our power to who will save us when in fact they’re using or fears or inability to trust as the very weapons they wield against us (trump, media)?
It’s not about how much we have but rather- Can I depend on what I have to continue? Since that would imply an ability to control all aspects of life, including those I love, my boss, my clients, my friends and traffic (as a few examples) I could be screwed… SO the only way to truly create safety for myself is from within. It’s a courageous act, as it implies trust must already exist (on some level) and self-acceptance must be diligently applied, so we can learn how to accept and trust others. This is the how I keep moving forward-knowing I have the right to ind my mind otherwise I will only see the fear based teachings and I want more of my own power back I want to CHOOSE what I see.
Don’t doubt your power as an individual. Do you know what would happen if each person decided to take one day off (and all on the same day) of not using their credit cards? Do you know what would happen if each person decided just for one day (and all on the same day) to not buy gas? You and I could affect change if we were willing to see ourselves as powerful, as someone who could make a difference and then used our light and creativity to affect change. It doesn’t need to be violent, it is weakness that creates violence. It takes strength, courage and applied thought to make effective life enhancing growth.
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Righteous anger. This is a phrase I have come across while reading a prolific contributor to our society, Rudolf Steiner. His contributions to mankind (in medicine, farming, education, spiritual development, to name a few) are continuing to blossom nearly a century after his death.
He wrote, “For the spiritual scientist, anger is also the harbinger of something quite different. Life shows us that a person who is unable to flare up with anger at injustice or folly will never develop true kindness and love. Equally, a person who educates himself through noble anger will have a heart abounding in love, and through love he will do good. Love and kindness are the obverse of noble anger. Anger that is overcome and purified will be transformed into the love that is its counterpart. A loving hand is seldom one that has never been clenched in response to injustice or folly. Anger and love are complementary”
Hear, hear, I feel vindicated. I have been given permission to accept myself and beyond that presented an understanding that feels in alignment to my truth. I have so often felt shame for my reactions to situations-either through a very uncomfortable silence which is then followed by the “moving right along” shift in conversation or through a direct hit, “wow you have anger issues”. Our culture has made it as challenging for a woman who expresses anger, as it has for a man who expresses fear. The judgments thrown our way are so prolific that many of us have learned to cut out the middleman and just slam ourselves (usually quite mercilessly) and through the use of culturally taught condemnation have cornered our esteem somewhere in a dank basement.
Non-Violent Communication training (NVC), the process created by Marshall Rosenberg, was another place where I learned another level of self-acceptance for what has been called my, “not so lady-like” expression. It was through his gracious approach to viewing individuals, that I understood that anger is akin to a warning light in a car. A successful approach to this “warning signal” would be to consider something’s happening, what’s needed to help the car feel (run) better? We never say the car has issues and simply leave it at that, usually we tend to its warning signal and apply the necessary care needed to help it run smoothly. Yet with people were prone to treat them with much less care.
So often my warning light starts to flash (maybe the first blush of anger starts to rise) when I feel alone and really want understanding. Through the use of NVC I learn how to take care of that need and nip anger in the bud, as in those cases it’s usually not so much a righteous anger as it might be a long winded rant. Nonetheless, it’s a process that lends itself to understanding and not flogging.
Dr. Mario Martinez, the founder of the Biocognitive Science Institute, encourages righteous anger as a pathway for individuals with disease or illness towards health and well-being. I appreciate him taking a stand for anger. Personally I could use the advocate, but I have wondered if what he’s encouraging is simply the expression of the ego and not really righteous anger? Am I moving steadily towards enlightenment or just spewing hell fire? Could I claim noble anger as my companion or was I just having a hissy fit?
I used to say, I’m not angry, I’m passionate, I applied that rationale as a means of protection from men who labeled me “crazy” and as a defense from women who liked to think they were better than me because they weren’t like me-they kept their emotions in line. And in fact this play on words was a strategy I was enacting in attempts to forgive myself for “acting out”, It didn’t work because I unknowingly bought into that masculine taught value (which is purported as the “right” approach to our emotional existence) and was attempting to deny the existence of anger by calling it something much more beautiful, la pasión. That approach is not that far off from Steiner’s conceit but there is a lot digging one has to undergo in order for that transformation from noble anger to loving-kindness to actually come forth. One has to identify what type of anger one is participating in the first place.
Thusly, I have often felt alone and embarrassed for my moments of anger and found myself buying so heavily into the social construction that being emotional was bad that I often found myself apologizing for my very existence (the shadow of the feminine energetic). Through Steiner and Rosenberg’s heartfelt insights (the positive feminine energies) I have learned a balanced approach to my emotions, where denying them isn’t prescribed. I may curtail them to gain insight and self -awareness, but I do not deny them to gain others favor. Fortunately for me as I age, growth has occurred through my diligent pursuit of wanting to being an authentically caring person (healthy, true, honest, empowered/empowering). I have come to a richer understanding of my emotional life and it’s purposefulness.
My saving grace has come through learning the difference between indignation and righteousness, high minded vs. disgruntled anger. There are numerous examples of disgruntled, ego based (fear driven) organizations and persons who believe they are doing the “right” thing while causing harm to others on the behalf of their beliefs. Disgruntled indeed!
One way I have learned to identify this ego motivated anger within me is was if I wanted someone to feeeeel my pain. My fuel is then most likely indignant anger and therefore all actions taken from that stance will only perpetuate pain and suffering rather than create long term solutions that heal.
So if one considers Steiner’s words, “When a person educates himself through noble anger he will abound in love”, then it must follow that the obverse to ego based anger is thoughtfulness and if this is so, the motivation for taking action is derived from an entirely different energetic.
Thoughtfulness doesn’t mean being kind, it means taking the time for introspection and rumination. It means applied focus and concentration. Towards what end is up to you. The clearest formula I have found suitable for distinction is: Separation thinking (ego/indignant anger) vs. solution-oriented healing (noble/high minded righteous anger).
Is the mind creating more problems by harboring us against them thinking or is it searching for answers, which could bring harmonious outcomes? Complaining for the sake of relief or ridicule is the ego’s mechanism for steering you directly away from love, which is the highest mind available. Feeling moved to make a difference though means of supportive and creative processes transforms indignation and personal anger into is the healing expression of love in action. This is why Steiner included in his above statement that, “Anger that is overcome and purified will be transformed into the love that is its counterpart”. It takes willingness on our part to go beyond personal suffering and, like the NVC mascot, the giraffe, see above the situation. By having the fortitude to approach anger for the gift that it is, rather than something to be shunned, we can curtail its negative effects on others as well as ourselves and use it as a serviceable vehicle of transformation.
I was climbing the stairs in Culver City. As one ascends what becomes clear is that their daunting not simply because there are over 400 steps at a steep angle but that they’re also very uneven in height. Some are quite reasonable, akin to an apartment building stairwell. While many demand double effort and lung capacity to mount them (causing short ones like me to have to really reach!).
As I dragged my heaving torso and leaden legs towards the top, I was met by a slender, tall, very fit, African American man-friendly, chipper…. annoying? How can he be so happy when at this moment, when I tempered with exhaustion, I’m barely audible! Mumbling, waving hands, I send the “thumbs up” in his direction, hoping he won’t expect conversation at this point.
Okay. 2nd round. There he is again. This time with a bit more breath available I say to him, “how sweet of you to cheer us on”. He responded positively but then quickly enough decided that my word to describe his support was incorrect. He preferred, “motivator”. “Cheering”, was decidedly too feminine.
I asked what’s wrong with being “feminine”? He immediately understood what I meant. You mean, caring, he asked? YES! I said enthusiastically, with an undercurrent of shock humming within too. He associated feminine to caring. How beautiful to know that a random man on the Culver City steps, is carrying around the consciousness that femininity equates to care! Yet, it’s that very fact he didn’t want to be associated with the word care that caused a brief bubble of disappointment or sadness to pop up. We continued talking a bit longer. I expressed that caring is precisely what he’s doing at the top of those stairs, helping others feel good about their accomplishments. After pause, he did agree. How sweet (another feminine feature I suppose?). He put his masculine ideals aside for a moment and decided that care was a quality he valued. By the end of our conversation I believed he was comfortable to be seen as a man who cared and actually felt safe with that little secret being exposed (at least between us).
You’ll know there’s a huge shift in consciousness the day boys are referred to as “girly” and it’s taken as a compliment! And when later in life they hear: Why mister so and so….you have so many feminine qualities, we’ve been searching for a girly man like you, welcome to our firm! HA….not likely but one can play, dance and skirt around the notion.
The reading of our notes to each other is uplifting; the energy behind them. His passion. His deep desire for God connectivity. His desire to love endlessly. To give unconditionally. To understand fully. To see as God sees. To see humanity rise above & release the ego pain as driver, to eradicate ego generated everything. We are mirrors for each other. 100%. We seem to have the same quest in this lifetime and he feels it most like I do. He feels it in his body as I do. He’s been enraged, as I have been. I had no idea that was true when I reached out to him. I didn’t know he would be so alive with hope, desire, pain, searching. Any rage expressed masks the desire, the hope, the deep deep care; others do not understand that is the true driver. We judge that which we do not understand and fear. We judge rather than question. We judge and do not develop the strength of providing compassion. We ignore the feminine attributes and label them weak only to avoid any feeling within ourselves that we do not understand. Any feeling that might awaken the powerful experience of love, we smash as we’ve been taught. We, at our core, want to be liberated and yet, we haven’t developed the strength to sit and feel. The feeling is the pathway to freedom. Through it we will experience the power of the energies that hum continually through us. We avoid transforming, transmuting it into the superpowers we assign super hero’s to carry because we’re afraid of that much freedom, afraid to feel that good. Were afraid of that much actual power. We don’t trust ourselves and that is savvy, it’s why the baby steps are necessary. We have been in error. We have performed from the ego’s needs and caused great devastation and yet, it is this understanding not the judging of such truths that will elevate us past previous patterning.
What does it mean to be “empowered”? It assumes a sense of feeling powerful, yeah? How does a powerful person act in the world?
If you truly believed you had power, what would you do with it? The connotation would be the ability to affect change, correct?
What changes would you implement in this moment if you could in your personal life?
It’s our actions that create our feelings of being powerful but it’s our thoughts that often determine whether or not were going to take powerful actions.
Shall I go to the gym today? You “should” right? Why? You’ll feel better about yourself afterward. Why wouldn’t it just be a given than that you’d go? Because you’re not necessarily comfortable with that kind of power. (Why the mind talks you out of taking care of yourself in new ways) Feeling good in and of itself states a sense of empowerment. When we feel good, we often make decisions and statements that are more uplifting and supportive not only of ourselves but to anyone that comes into our environment. We affect the small immediate world around us positively. We are influencing from that place. Sounds pretty great right? So, again, why don’t we do it?
Many of us don’t believe we have the right to feel just that good about ourselves. We feel much more comfortable and understanding of feelings that equate to stable. Stable as in grounded in reality.
The only way to shift from feeling grounded and comfortable in what you’re already living is to slowly make the changes you desire in your lives. This empowerment process cannot be an overnight commitment to 5 days a week at the gym, juicing daily and seeing everything positively. It can’t maintain itself, have you noticed? It’s expecting too much of oneself. It’s taking a huge leap into the void of the unknown to such a degree that back sliding back into the known is the only viable option for your emotional self.
Desired larger changes will happen on our behalf without us having to “make” them happen. The readiness of our spirit to take a leap is often not determined by our minds and often comes about quite unexpectedly. Spontaneous decisions are just that and cannot be pre-determined. They just come about, but you can encourage such changes through everyday smaller choices that support the feeling of empowerment.
Not getting upset about something that would normally upset you or not letting it upset you for the normal length of time is one such miniscule step that while seemingly unimportant in the big picture is the only way your personal big picture can shift (ever so quietly) into the desired outcome of a fulfilling life. The saying goes: insanity doing the same thing every day expecting different results. The changes one makes to achieve personal self-acceptance can be begun through doing one thing different, it’s been said before, yes. Yet the only way that one thing different leads to more empowering, self- caring and accepting behaviors is by taking notice of these small changes. By saying to yourself, okay, I did that differently, this is a good thing, you’re teaching the emotional body (as it were, that part of self) in baby steps. This is more than taking in a compliment. Yes, that is an important part of realizing your worth, but this ability to take note for self, to acknowledge who you are and the changes you’re making by you, is what’s most valuable. Why? Because other people will always be in flux and just as enslaved to their internal worlds as are you. The changes in their minds and behaviors are based on their personal issues, moods and experiences. Personal empowerment is exactly that, comes from the “personal”, from the self and it cannot then be taken away due to an outside source. If it comes to you, through you and you beckon to honor self, it cannot be released by another’s thoughts or feelings. That is empowerment, which is power; in it’s most powerful sense of fulfillment.
The idea that a girl’s worth is based on her sexual appeal is becoming the lie that is finally being seen as what it is: manipulation to keep a girls focus (hence a woman’s worth) on the man. With the precursor being: all little girls are dreaming of the day they marry their prince charming and be “saved”. All the while sex appeal is being highlighted, the feeling of love and the exchange of that emotion denounced as “silly and unnecessary”.
I, being one of those girls who while, never having a father, nor a father figure, never knew I believed in the notion that one day a man will save me. I also thought that since my mother was proclaiming to not care about men nor in being married, that I too, was independent, capable and one of the many “modern” woman of today’s society who did not “need a man”. Thus when my mother ran off to get married when I was 19, left me more than a little confused. I guess she changed her mind or finally found a man who wasn’t already married (her most popular “boyfriend” choice by far). Of course, anyone reading this knows, she was just never able to be honest in the first place. She always wanted “to be loved” and was too weak to admit to that fact. Yes, “weak” too weak to admit that love was actually desired.
I followed all the media rules and stereotypes about what made me appealing to men. Not realizing that my earlier sexual abuse was also playing a major unconscious role in my choices of sexual expression, demeanor and otherwise.
We’ve been taught that it’s foolish to feel. It’s embarrassing to want love. A therapist once said to me over a decade ago, “you should never feel stupid for wanting to be feel cared for, we all want to feel loved”. Indeed. Why would we feel stupid unless it’s been taught to us how weak or stupid it is to actually “want love” or even worst, how it’s a “feminine” trait and that it belongs to the “weaker of the sexes”…or so the myth is told.
What I don’t understand is how our entire human race can so blindly go into believing the deceptive diatribes about the uselessness of applying care to one another. How love or emotions can be “sold” as a feminine value that innately has no value and left to be described as one that is experienced only by the “irrational and crazy” female.
Has it been “outed” that all those serial killers, suicide bombers and shooting spree’s are at their core “emotional” expression? They’re just not the gentle kind of emotion that’s being craved at the core of those beings who choose those heinous actions. Why? Because it’s not okay to feel in our culture unless it’s being done violently so, but don’t kid yourself, those are emotions firing those guns, pushing those buttons and slicing throats.
So rather than care about each other’s feelings, we’ll stomp on them because it’s what we’ve been taught and has been done to us; inadvertently. Fear at its core. Fear to feel because we might be seen as weak or laughed at, as if that’s a big deal and yet, it IS for so many of us. Because we still think we need others approval before we can feel love for ourselves and others. We forget we have the strength to love within us at all times; that when another can’t love us or deems us “needy”, it is a way to mask their inability to feel compassionately. It’s their inability to open their heart, but an attempt to make it your problem. I can’t feel, so I’ll blame you by labeling you: weak, needy, pathetic, crazy or my favorite attempt at belittling: dramatic. When in actuality you’re a person who desires connection, to be seen and understood, pretty basic human stuff here.
I can say from my personal experience, that to love is the most powerful and yet hardest thing I am learning to do. I have only thought I have loved in the past. When the truth was, I was only longing for love but not knowing how to do it myself and therefore had very little understanding of what real love looked or felt like; whether it be in the giving or receiving. Still learning….
It was only recently I looked back to discover that the lie my mother had been telling herself was outing itself continuously in the throngs of strangers clothing strewn about our house on a regular basis after her nights out at the local bar. It was her belief that her sexual energy was her key to finding love, but masked in the societal modern day woman chant, “Its just sex and I don’t need a man”. Uh-huh…the next time you hear any woman make that claim, ask them when was the last time they actually felt loved and you’ll see a little girl emerge, who will quickly be dismissed, perhaps even before being allowed to speak and then the adult version of herself will attempt to the answer that question for her: I don’t need a mans love, I love myself. Right. Sure. Why then I wonder, does alcohol plays a role in sexual experiences in the first place? Why the need to numb prior to an act, that if it’s to be enjoyed to it’s fullest expression, really requires the senses to be available and this includes the ability to feel emotionally, not just physically.
My guess is she, as so many of us, bought into the idea that if we were sexually appealing and were willing to show her great sexual skills the man would then fall madly in love and sweep her off her feet and she would never have to admit that she was secretly praying for that all along.
I would like to forewarn any young girls and women out there: Sex does not bring love and denying the fact that you want love will DEFINITELY never bring love and that is– believe it or not– equally true for men. That if you are to get what you want, deserve and what can ultimately bring you the greatest joy along with the most harrowing pain, you must exhibit bravery of another sort: Honesty, vulnerability and the strength to look/feel foolish.
While the men of our society believe that it’s “just sex” they know better than any of us women, that they too are buying into a lie that’s not serving them in getting their heart needs met either. And believe it or not, they actually do have hearts and they do desire connection, no matter how society tries to depict them as goal orientated womanizers, their just victims to believing that love is unimportant too, but men are starting to wake up and no longer be passive participants to the lies of our cultural education, but it may take a few brave women to lead the way.
What is your definition of spirituality? What is your idea of a leader?
Where does your spirituality come from, where does it live in your body?
Can loving connection come from the mind or is it an action that is taken when the heart becomes activated and does the interpreting along with the head?
As with Byron Katie’s teaching and that again of Marshall Rosenberg, our thoughts must be interrupted in order for the heart to engage. To question: from whence our thoughts arrive, where were they learned and what are they serving, can bring great personal wisdom. Often, because of our cultural education, the heart does not lead in communication. We must give the heart an opportunity to work in tandem with the mind. The mind has to be taught how to forge a perception that is greater then self -protection.
This is where you’ll develop the ability to ask, what is my motivation, what shall be my guide?
As long as your decisions lead you to a place of heart motivated answers, any safety you desire in life will have a chance to build and grow from within.
The choices we make moment by moment are what develop how we become and perceive the world around us. Is it a world whose only purpose is death and destruction or is it a world of continual growth and evolution? Mind abandoning heart or heart engaging with mind? Which will lead you? Yes, the mind can see the “truth” of the everyday atrocities, and using the heart as a perception device may look like an airy-fairy sugar coated version of that view-but that’s if that’s how you choose to see it.
The heart provides profound moments of truth when given permission to speak. We’ve all seen photo’s of devastation, suffering and pain and among them we’ll see a single flower cutting through the soil, in it’s own equal struggle for life, it reveals it’s quiet knowing beauty. That single flower could bring your mind to its knee’s, or rather, into the heart; as this expression of life, which blooms so innocently, is the divine’s challenge to show us beauty amongst the destruction, if we choose to see it. We are given the task to rise above the moment, to not judge what we cannot understand without the clairvoyant view from the heavens.
This is our work as a species and in many ways what Barbara Marx Hubbard espouses.
How to get in contact with God, the real truth of God? Not the man made with human traits of hate and jealousy and justice God- but the divine knower of all that is (which resides within us), the God that quietly resides in moments of connection, contentment, safety. Each traits of trust or even more confronting: blind faith. You would be mistaken to consider faith as passive. It takes diligence of mind, the act of conscious directing and choosing what thoughts and idea’s one will serve.
It is my guess that even when there is death and destruction that the God energy of this planet does not wail in grief and misery but simply goes about knowing the ultimate Truth. Knowing that in time our species will set aside the pettiness of personality differences and embrace the unique expression that comes forward as an I.
As that begins to happen over and over and over and….over…then the Christ Consciousness seed that is felt within so many of us wandering souls will unfold fully and the upliftment referred to as enlightenment will have it’s day among humanity and the planet Earth. The divine beings whose presence surrounds and guides us, does not fret, the discovery of self as God beings in harmonious action and perceptions can come.
Listen to the heart and what it has to say when you are in communication with those around you who are yet unable to listen for themselves (what you are yet to do for yourself), love unconditionally. Listen to their desire to be held and see that same desire within you. Look to their pain as a plea for acceptance. Honor that plea and give it. It’s damn hard, but you can do it. Break into the heart and do it; lead.
We are each prisoners of judgment, shame, guilt and fear. I sit and I watch the defensive postures of those around me in the café, each unaware of that very fact. Each believing the defensive mechanism they have chosen truly hides their insecure condition. The tattooed man with his armored ink believes he cannot be seen, the rabbit hidden within the bush holds stone still, but those of us skilled in sight spot the vulnerable creature nonetheless.
The fear that carries us daily propels us into the hardened world we continue to create. The one faced with deathly images of children, men and their mothers being raped, murdered and killed right next door to us and yet, nothing stops us long enough to feel their death upon our hands. We continue forth believing we are innocent because we are suffering too, but we do not stop long enough to accept this fact. Rather we move forward with our hard bodies, hard minds, hard breasts and ever growing hardened hearts.
Perhaps the ink on the next tattoo will actually penetrate the veins of life and pull blood from ourselves, a blood that within it’s vibrant red flow causes us to pause and feel the trickle of life it provides. We rush past and through our existence either praying it will end or believing we are invisible (I meant to write invincible, do you suppose that’s a glorious faux pas of the unconscious trying to teach its lesson?) and never really ever feeling the glory of God within.
The struggle runs so deep because we carry so many layers of pain of mis-belief. We store lies within our system of judgment. They feel like truths because they have logic and sense attached to them, or so we think. They make sense because they are true for us. The words we hear in our head we automatically accept as true. How often do we question the thoughts we carry. We see someone look at us and make an instant deduction of what the persons could be thinking and of course, whatever it is, it’s generally about us. About our good looks or fat body, about the bad hair we feel we have or the great sense of style we project. I wonder how many times that person we believe is thinking about us in that moment, is actually looking past us and wondering about what the person behind us is thinking about them!
How often do we have a thought that actually is incorrect? How often is our perception of why what another person does is actually being colored by your current mood ? Have you ever noticed that your mood actually is the determining factor of what someone is thinking? Have you ever noticed that your own guilt can provide the very reason that the person before you is being judged?
May want to visit the Byron Katie website for more info. on questioning thought patterns. She is genius.